On behalf of Law Offices of Frye, Fortich & Garcia, P.L. | August 16, 2021 | Estate Planning
How NOT to start a conversation with aging parents: "We need to talk To start things off, I want you to think about how you’re going to die someday, probably not long from now. And with that out of the way, let’s talk about money.”
That’s…not a great way to have a conversation. In fact, that’s a conversation that no one wants to have. But although very few people would actually be so blunt, that’s the seeming subtext anytime you talk to your parents or other aging loved ones about wills and estate planning.
There’s a reason people are so reluctant to bring up these topics, and it has to do with obvious overlapping social niceties.
- We don’t like talking about money
- We don’t want to seem like we are greedy or grasping
- We don’t want to think about our parents dying
- We don’t want to remind our parents that they are going to die
- We certainly don’t want them to think we’re already planning—or even hoping—for their deaths.
And although few parents would actually think that, the idea that you are acting like an uncaring money-grubbing character is enough to prevent people from ever broaching what is, in fact, a deeply important subject that must be broached.
It is critical to talk to your parents about their estate planning, you are directly impacted by their decisions.
If you approach the topic with love, respect, and their best interests at heart, you can not only help them overcome a burden, but put their minds at ease as they enter a new stage of life. When you plan for the future, you can put the stress of this conversation in the past.
Communication and Planning sets the right expectation and delivers the desired results
Whatever your family situation, your parents possibly have the sameb reluctance to plan, for a few reasons.
- They don’t want to think about dying. It might not be strictly logical, but it is clear that if you plan for what happens after you die, you accede to the reality of death. The thinking may be that, if you don’t plan, you don’t have to worry.
- They don’t want to think about how to divide their holdings. Many people have complicated estates and holdings. Investments, heirlooms, real estate: it’s complex. And going over it seems like a complicated undertaking, especially if they are already looking at the clock with a bit more urgency.
- They don’t want conflict. Once you start planning your estate, it is easy to start imagining what happens next. Will Kevin and Ashley fight over jewelry? Does the better-off sibling need a full share? It’s hard, and it is the sort of hypothetical conflict that many try to avoid.
The Why and How of Talking Your Parents About Their Will
The importance of talking about estate planning is pretty clear. The longer your parents go without dealing with it, the more time they spend potentially worrying about it, and the less time spent enjoying life. And worst-case scenario, the less time they have to ensure assets are distributed in a way that reflects their wishes and avoids conflict.
So it is best for everyone involved if you make sure your parents have everything in order, whether they’re managing their finances independently or with the help of a reputable financial advisor. And you can talk to them without asking for things. There are a lot of facets to this situation that you have to cover, but in every conversation, honesty and empathy should be present in equal proportions.
